The future today

I've driven lots of cars that park themselves, some that drive themselves and a bunch that do everything they can to stop you killing them — and yourself — including automatic braking.

BMW is working on a smart key that allows you to start the car and also unlocks a hotel room, provided of course that your car has made a booking and paid in advance. The next Mercedes-Benz S-Class limousine, due in November, will have not one but a pair of 30cm display screens in the dashboard to handle data transfer — the only way to describe it these days — to the driver and front-seat passenger.

Do I like all this technology? Sometimes. Satnav is marvellous when you're out of town or overseas. It's nice to have a range of entertainment choices linked to my iPhone, and Bluetooth has made in-car conversations much safer. Land Rover has a tricky dual-display screen (using alternate-pixel technology) that allows the driver to see the satnav while the passenger plays on Google or watches a movie.

It will migrate rapidly to almost everything priced above $35,000. But if the level of distraction in cars today is bad, it's only going to get more toxic. A lot of the future-tech stuff isn't about making driving easier or safer, it's just toys.

When I worked (briefly) at Hyundai I discovered buyers were far more likely to pay extra for a better sound system than anti-lock brakes that could save their life. When ABS was packaged with alloy wheels, sales jumped.

Fifteen years later, nothing much has changed beyond the cost and complexity. BMW knows the best settings for its hotrod M3 but provides driver-adjustable controls for the steering, transmission and engine so drivers can fiddle and fool themselves that they know better.

It's a similar story at Audi and Mercedes-Benz. Even Honda and Hyundai have special "Eco'' settings so we can blame the car if we're not getting optimum fuel economy.

The day is coming when GPS and satnav could easily be used to ensure you never break the speed limit. And that's a day I don't want to see.