BMW M5 VS Maserati Quattroporte

Things this large simply shouldn’t be this potent. Like John Goodman suddenly toppling Usain Bolt at the Olympics, the BMW M5 Competition is bulk-defyingly good at the fast stuff.

The secret is its ability to hide those sprawling dimensions on a race circuit or twisting road. BMW’s engineers have poured plenty of work into stiffening the chassis of the M5 Competition, from new anti-roll mounts to additional under-bonnet bracing, to make the brand’s biggest performance sedan feel more lithe and responsive when pushed. 

And while its size never vanishes completely - and you find yourself praying you don’t encounter oncoming traffic on skinnier roads - engaging the Competition’s sportiest settings unlocks a Copperfield-level vanishing act.

The engine helps too, of course, pushing the M5 along with staggering ease, even when you’re pottering at suburban speeds. But really flatten your foot and the big V8 will force you to reassess your knowledge of physics. It’s really very fast, the Competition, the power flowing uninterrupted to the tyres, the engine still very willing to deliver more oomph long after your courage has jumped ship. 

The steering, direct though it is, lacks some natural feel, but you are always left with the impression that the Competition is going to go where you point it.

More fun stuff? Well, you can switch the traction control to a half-off setting, allowing for some smoking, drifting heroics before it drags you back into line. BMW calls it M mode, and it’s designed to make a hero of even the most ham-fisted of pilots, myself included. The braver still can deactivate traction control all together which, combined with rear-wheel-drive mode, turns the M5 Competition into the biggest and possibly most expensive drift car of all time .

Away from the track, though, the Competition version of the M5 is almost as good as transforming into a comfortable everyday commuter as its less hairy siblings. The adaptive suspension can be softened, and the steering lightened, to make toppling traffic a doddle. 

The keen-eyed among you might well have noticed we’re yet to touch on any major downsides of the drive experience. And you'd be correct. 

Just a few hundred metres behind the wheel is all it will take to convince you the Maserati belongs in the same class as the competition. It's incredibly quiet – courtesy of the acoustic double glazing – and all occupants benefit from supreme comfort.

While the 330 is 58kW down on the full fat V6, you won't really miss them. There's a fat torque curve, with all 500Nm available from 1750 to 5000rpm, meaning easy progress for the 5.2 metre sedan.

The Quattroporte has two sport buttons to choose from – one looks after the drivetrain and exhaust valving while the second stiffens up the Skyhook suspension.

With the first sport button pressed, you get a more lively throttle, sharper shifts and a glorious noise from the exhausts, although they are a long way from your ears.

It's still a fast car, with strong acceleration from standstill and in the gears, the power as linear as you like with no real turbo lag and a most un-turbo noise to go with the performance.

The only dynamic problem is the electric steering – it seems to get confused between your inputs and feedback from the road, the tyres feeling like they're 'nibbling' an uneven surface, tweaking the wheel in your hands. 

The assistance is a little spotty, too, unexpectedly changing weight. It's just a bit weird. In normal driving, you'll never notice it.